I have never smoked and I Don’t drink; When I am stressed, Anxious or Low, I tend to turn to food.
I am a Comfort Eater and have battled with my weight since I was a teenager. At one point being overweight had a purpose, or at least that’s how I saw it through a childs eyes, in a weird sort of way it became my protection. Being withdrawn and overweight meant I didn’t attract any unwanted attention. It allowed me to disappear into the background.
I don’t need it to protect me anymore; in fact now it’s more of a hindrance, and its certainly not healthy. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I can’t shift this weight. I try to stick to a balanced diet as much as I can, but, like I said as soon as I am stressed, anxious or low I will reach for the comfort foods. It is an extremely difficult habit to break.
I used to associate being happy with being a healthy weight, often telling myself “when I’m thin I will be happy” or “I will be happy when I lose weight”. Which meant happiness was kept just out of my reach. It took a long time but I now realise it doesn’t really work like that.
When I’m happy, truly happy and content, the weight starts to drop off. I am able to stick to a balanced diet and feel comfortable exercising more.
It didn’t help that food and sweets were used as a reward or a treat when I was a child. It helped me make that connection between food and happiness or comfort.
At the moment my weight is up and down, I will lose a some and then something will happen that will cause me comfort eat, which causes the weight to pile back on again. More so since I have been digging up the past and working on my Mental Health.
Normally, I try to do to much at once. Fighting my Anxiety and trying to lose weight, often being to strict with myself and punishing myself for failing when I eat something I shouldn’t. Sometimes it feels like a battle of control with food. I realise by attempting to do to much at once it just sets me up to fail, it’s not possible for me to do it all.
By choosing one area, my Mental Health and how I see myself, I am hoping that the weight issue will begin to solve itself.