In a book I have been reading about parenting, it states the importance for children to hear their parents give themselves praise for overcoming a problem or for an achievement.
Apparently, if they hear other peoples positive talk towards themselves, it helps them develop their own positive self-talk and creates an awareness of their own achievements and strengths.
I knew how important giving my child Praise and Attention was, but I haven’t considered how valuable it Is for her to hear me give myself Praise. I do try to limit the amount of negative statements I voice out loud, but I haven’t filled the space with any positive statements about myself either.
I am aware this is something I need to change, and hope that I haven’t left it to late.
My Own Worst Critic
My Self-talk has never been that great, I am my own worst critic. I am quick at noticing the mistakes I make and the parts of my appearance and personality that I don’t like very much, but my strengths and achievements are quickly dismissed.
We hold on to and look out for the evidence that supports our Core Beliefs. Due to the fact my Core Beliefs are negative, I tend to notice the negative evidence to support them and dismiss any that go against them.
I have missed out on so many opportunities over the years because I didn’t think very highly of myself or I was afraid that I would fail. It was easier and less painful not to try than it was to confirm that “I couldn’t do it”.
Although, having said that, since my daughter was born I have tried to achieve more. I gained my qualifications and have attended more social events than I used to. I have stepped out of my comfort zone on many occasions and I am not as quick to give up.
Creating Positive Talk
Q: How do you change a life time of automatic negative Self-talk?
A: One step at a time and build on positive experiences. Actively noting down your achievements and strengths, it will take time and practice before it becomes automatic.
Do you remember those lessons we had at school; the ones where we were set a task to write down what we liked about ourselves. It was a task I dreaded as I really struggled with it, it always felt phoney because I didn’t really believe in it. But now I realise just how important those lessons were and why we were asked to do them.
Perhaps it’s time I engage in that task, writing down the things I like about myself.
I love seeing the expression on my daughters face when she finally masters a task or challenge that she has found difficult. It gives her the confidence to move on to the next thing as she knows she will get there in the end. At the moment she is learning to roller skate, she punched the air and cheered the first time she skated down the road with out falling.
I certainly need to start creating situations where I can throw in a positive statement about something I have done for my daughter to hear. It could be about a drawing I have drawn or building a house out of Lego when I play with my daughter.
It will be difficult to start with because it’s not something I am used to doing, it may even feel awkward and fake. But, with practice I hope it will become easier.
By doing this for my daughter it will benefit me as well, building on my own Self-Talk and Self-Worth.
What do you like about yourself?
What do you feel are your greatest achievements?
What are you proud of yourself for?
(Let me know in the comments if you want to share)
One of my proudest moments was passing my English qualification. Although I found the written and reading Exams fairly easy, the Oral exam was my nemesis. I had to do a presentation in front of a group of people, if you follow my blog you already know how difficult I find that to do. I postponed the exam twice, but finally I just went for it because I had put in so much work to get to get to this point and I wasn’t prepared to throw it all away due to fear. I chose subjects that mean a lot to me and that I know a great deal about, Mental Health and Card Making. Doing the presentation was no where near as bad as I had built it up to be in my mind. I managed to pass first time and receiving that certificate a few weeks later meant the world to me.