I hate to admit it but I spent the majority of the weekend in tears, I’m not even 100 per cent what it was I was crying about, but it helped to release some of the pressure. I have been caught up in an intense Anxiety Attack for the past 18 months or more, and nothing was working.
Sunday night I officially decided to stop trying so hard. If people can not accept me for who I am, then are they really the kind of people I want or need in my life. Do I really need to pretend to be something I am not to feel I have a place in this world. The answer is no.
Today things were easier, instead of focusing so hard on trying not to say the wrong thing, instead of worrying what people think or being embarrassed of my struggles I just went with the flow. And do you know what, everything went a lot smother and I managed to get a hell of a lot more done. I could think straight, I didn’t struggle to talk and I was able to hold a decent conversation without embarrassing myself. Ok so my heart was racing and I still had butterflies in my stomach, the emotional noise was still problematic but I worked through it without fleaing.