It has been a weird year hasn’t it?
We have reached the last 5 weeks of 2020; normally at this time of year I like to reflect and document what I have achieved, if I don’t I tend to forget or disregard them.
But first I will go back a little further:
2018 was a hectic year, I had decided to “upgrade” my qualifications, I started with Computer/It Skills and gained my Level 1 and Level 2 Qualifications. Then I moved on to English and passed at Level 2 with flying colours. It was something I thought I would never achieve, having left school with low grades and believing I was thick, as it turned out my struggles at school meant I had a lot of missing information. In a calm and caring environment I was able to fill in the gaps and pass. I made a couple new friends in 2018. I am still friends with one and the other wasn’t as good a friend as I first thought and the friendship ended at the beginning of this year (2020).
2019 I started a Maths course at the same place, Maths is not my strong point and I had to work hard and build my confidence with Numbers. I thought it was going to take a couple of attempts at the exam for me to pass and was surprised when I passed first time and gained my Level 2 certificate.
2020 To begin with when I looked back over this year I wasn’t sure whether I had achieved anything or not. I guess it depends on what your idea of achievement and success is, but I soon realised this year has pretty much been about knowledge and learning as well, but of a different kind. I have learnt so much about myself and have been focusing on building on my Self-Esteem and Core-Beliefs. I guess some would call it Self-Development, im not a fan of that term though. The amount of reading 📚 and researching I have done this year, especially the last few months, has been eye opening and beneficial.
With a new Diagnosis, plus the possibility of another one on the cards as well, I viewed my life slightly differently and although old habits die hard, I have been trying not to be as self-critical as I once was. With the help of CBT and a great Therapist, I have been trying to deal with the past and recognise Anxious and Depressive thoughts for what they are. Therapy has been really difficult this time, but I guess it would have to be when it is dealing with Trauma, I feel like I am getting somewhere. I am also trying to incorporate Self-Care into my routine, its so important, more important than I realised.
Lockdown 1.0 gave me unexpected extra time with my daughter, although Home Learning was a bit of a challenge, we had a lot of fun. I bought a new Camera and let my Daughter have my old one, teaching her to use it brought lots of laughter and amusing photos, and some fantastic ones too. When she was able to return to school I was not ready for it and was worried due to Covid-19, I really missed the extra time together, but it made us appreciate the time we do get a whole lot more.
Despite the physical distance between some of my family members, it has brought us a whole lot closer, we made an extra effort to contact and check in on each other.
Lockdown 2.0 hasn’t really had any impact on our lives at all, with the schools still open I still have the school run to do, I still see people albeit at a 2mtr distance. The only thing that has changed is my sister and family could no longer visit. I’m not really one for Pub’s and shopping anyway, so the fact they are shut hasn’t really affected us. The one thing I do miss is meeting friends for a coffee and this time of year I normally go Christmas shopping with one of my friends which we haven’t been able to do, yet.
I still find the school gate and school stuff difficult, although I now have a greater understanding as to why that is, I am working on finding ways to deal with it better. I do love the walk to school, my daughter and I mess about and have a laugh, its the one time we get to spend together as just the 2 of us.
2020 hasn’t been all that bad, not really, not for us at least. Although change and uncertainty was difficult to start with, we soon adapted, and if I’m honest the kids are much better at social distancing and adjusting than the adults.
My daughter is loving school, she loves her teacher for this year which helps, I thought she was going to struggle with the teacher change but she has taken it in her stride.
I had an initial assessment last week for a new Diagnosis and I honestly have no idea how it went or what the outcome is going to be. I was dreading it; I am quite talented at finding the worst case scenario, often things turn out better than I expect them too and this was no different.
I am not saying there haven’t been any bad or low points, if you follow my blog you will know there have been many, I am not going to dwell on them to much. Looking at the year as a whole, there have been many tears, but there has also been a lot of laughter, fun and love.
The most important thing I have learned this year is that “I am Enough, just the way I am“.
As for next year, who knows what it will bring (so far I havent made any plans), but if this year is anything to go by we will get through whatever is thrown at us together.